Welcome 2017

In 2016, Ella, arrived 16 weeks early. My complications and her birth were completely unexpected. I had been to the doctor the week before with a send-off of, "everything looks okay, see you in a few weeks."  Yet there I was, four days later, admitted to the hospital and told I would have our baby girl by the end of the week. I went in on Monday and had Ella on Friday. Most of those days are a blur, with a few vivid moments forever etched into my memory. One of the most vivid entails a NICU doctor visiting us in our tiny triangle-shaped ante-partum room in labor and delivery to inform us of all that would happen after Ella's arrival.  Close family members and two of my friends surrounded me. We listened to statistic after statistic for a 24-week gestational baby's birth be rattled off.  The odds seemed bleak. While receiving this news, my friend had her hand on my belly, inside Ella was kicking away. Aside from the low percentages, I do not recall the actual statistics. Unfortunately, for others in the room, they recall most of them. What I do recall is my tears and feeling like I had let everyone down. I remember thinking, this is my fault, what did I do wrong? There was one track repeating in my head: this wasn't supposed to happen this way. Friday morning came and I was wheeled off to my c-section. I cried the whole way. I didn't even know what a c-section entailed, let alone birth in general.

Ella arrived on Friday, March 25, at 1:29 pm. Our tiny 1lb .6oz baby announced her arrival with the tiniest cry. Her entrance, announced by her cry, was the first sign of her feisty potential. She wasn't supposed to be using her lungs yet, but guess what, she did. The next month was filled with my c-section recovery and hours in the NICU, trying to gain some sort of understanding. I spent most of that month in shock.  I spent many more dwelling on the past. You know what I am talking about, the what ifs and the should have beens. While slowly moving forward, I constantly tried to problem solve events of the past. I found myself in daily survival mode and constantly uneasy about future events. As the days went by, the feelings slowly faded, still present but more of a murmur than a scream. I began to embrace the journey rather than shy away from it.

2017 has snuck up on me, but I am thrilled that it is here. We are only a few months away from Ella's first birthday. She has reminded me that there is opportunity for growth and success, every minute of every day, even when the "odds" try to paint a different picture.  Ella has reminded me of the power of potential. Ella's journey is a celebration of life. It is an opportunity for me to be there for others and an opportunity to face daily interactions with a growth-mindset. Change is inevitable, but change need not paralyze our mindset for too long. Potential growth surrounds us. Welcome 2017. I am happy you are here.