Ella turns ONE!

Ella weighs: 15lbs 4oz

Ella measures: almost 26 inches (will update after next appointment) 

Milestones this month:

-turning one! 

-pulling herself up to standing position

-standing while holding onto something

-reaching down from standing position to grab objects

-stranger anxiety...

Ella loves: 

-blowing spit bubbles! 

-splashing in the bathtub -guacamole

-banging objects together or banging them on the floor

-crawling ALL over the couch, her new trick is climbing on top of the pillows

-remotes, she now has her own, Ella sized

-exploring Cabela's magazines with Daddy

-stroller rides
-pulling herself up onto new objects

-playing "high-five!" with grandpa

-exploring new surfaces and textures

Health and Doctors: 
This past month was pretty quiet on the doctor visit front. Ella received her 5th and final synagis shot for this year. I am thankful she qualified for it, but also glad that the shots are over for the time being. 

Next week, we will visit the developmental pediatrician and our regular pediatrician for Ella's one-year checkups. 

We are still waiting for those teethers... she is showing all of the signs, minus the actual teeth popping up... maybe next month. 

What we have been up to: 

Chasing Ella around is our new favorite pastime. She enjoys the thrill of the chase and we are suckers for a cute baby. Ella recently discovered that she has more house than she thought she did. She has traveled from her room to the living room, roamed the kitchen, and made her way towards our master bath, drawn by the rushing sound of water running in the tub. The same sequence has occurred at Grandpa and Grandma's house where she spends her days while Mommy and Daddy are working. 

The couch is Ella's official "rock wall". I am seriously considering finding a way to build her an actual one in the future. One of her favorite things to do is race to the top of the couch, clamoring over pillows and blankets, all because I say, "I'm gonna get you..." The best part of this game is the shriek of laughter that she lets out. While she is turned with her back towards me, I state her name stretching out the LA at the end, she turns back to look at me and giggles some more. I do not see either of us tiring of this game in the future, unless she actually figures out how to get to the top, which is possible. 

Ella has finally started to love avocados! More specifically guacamole. She enjoys both baby version, avocado-cucumber-cumin, and the real deal. More importantly, she shares her mama's love for mashed potatoes. I mean what more could she need? She loves pears, sweet potatoes and carrots with cinnamon, and bananas. Her interest in self-feeding has picked up a bit. She successfully fed herself a few yogurt melts last night. The biggest smiled crossed her face as Ross and I clapped and cheered in what could be classified as your typical cliche proud parent moment. Yes, we yay'd in cute high-pitched voices with our faces scrunched up in excitement. 

Bedtime is the puzzle that continues to perplex us as first-time parents. If your baby isn't sleeping well, certainly do not come to us for advice. Nighttime sleeping for Ella is comparable to solving a Rubix cube, we always seem to be just one color off. To soften the blow of the bedtime tantrum, I tell myself it is simply because she loves us so much and does not want to miss out. I am still trying to figure out who deemed 6 hours as a reasonable amount of sleep to be considered "sleeping through the night." Is it really sleeping through the night when you go to bed at 8 and wake up 2 in the morning? We might have a micro-preemie, but I am pretty sure every parent and I share common ground with my previous statement. 

The weather is warming up around here, well at least a few days out of each week, and we are getting out and about. Walks to the park and listening to the birds outside in our tree are becoming more common activities. Ella visited her second restaurant, Yokozuna, where she enjoyed a nice plate of avocado slices. It felt way too "normal like" to be out at a restaurant enjoying lunch as a family. 

While moving forward this year, I have often found myself back in the past using events from the previous year as a comparison of time. The words, "this time last year," have left my lips often. After time, the comparisons turned into a personal therapy of sorts. The week leading up to Ella's birthday, I spent time remembering the events of last year. I had entered the hospital, unaware of what the week would entail. My world was turned completely upside down. We had entered unknown territory. As I recounted the moments, I found myself surprised by the emotions I encountered. I had prepared for sadness and maybe even some residual guilt, but instead was greeted each morning with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. My heart filled with joy, remembering each act of love we encountered that week. The nurses and doctors who worked tirelessly to bring comfort. The room service employees who completed their route a second time, most days, because my gluten-free ordered had not been entered correctly. The phlebotomists who visited my room at all hours of the day and night to draw labs. Our friends and family who put their lives on pause to sit with us, send us messages, and bring us food. And those we did not even know, who prayed for us and our miracle. They are all a part of our journey, every single one. And I am forever grateful for their presence. 

It may have taken a year, but now when I reflect on the week of Ella's birth, I am able to appreciate all of the amazing things that happened. There is a saying that says, "It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratitude that makes us joyful."

We had Ella's party on her actual birthday surrounded by our family. She turned one right in the middle of her party, 1:29 PM. I watched our little girl take it all in. I watched her smash a cupcake and crawl all over her presents studying each with intense curiosity. Joy filled the room. 

In celebration of babies world-wide, we we will walking in the Tulsa March of Dimes, April 22nd, at ORU's campus. Please consider joining us for the walk, donating to the cause- or both.  

https://www.marchforbabies.org/team/ellamarie

***A special thank you to everyone who donated scrapbook paper and board books for the NICU. We collected 52 books! 

Birthday photography by: Tiffany Tolbert.

Ella is Eleven Months Old

Ella weighs: 14lbs 13.5oz

Ella measures: 25.5 inches

Milestones this month:
-crawling on her knees!
-reaches for things when crawling
-moves things back and forth between hands
-sitting up all by herself for short periods of time
-going from sitting to crawling position
-finds things that have been "hidden"

Ella loves: 
-crawling to explore new spaces, if she knows we have purposely blocked an area off she is all over it
-checking to make sure she has an audience as she crawls towards new spaces
-sticking her thumb into the paci of her wubbanub Gerald
-chewing on those thick straps, high-chair, car seat, she finds them all
-pulling on any string or stretchy band she can get her hands on
-eating anything from her mesh feeder
-carrot puree
-patting everything to see what it does, she loves her pop-up toys
-playing Peek-a-Boo and pulling the blanket down herself

Health and Doctors: 
Ella visited her pulmonolgist (lung doctor). Ella has been off of oxygen since September and this month we finally said good-bye to the collection of equipment we have been storing. Now we can enter our office without greeting the mess of tubing and machines.  As Ella continues to grow and become more mobile there is potential for her Chronic Lung Disease to require more attention than it has recently. The doctor sent us home with a spacer and an inhaler. It can be used as needed to help support her breathing and lung function.

We visited the Scholl Hearing center to have a follow-up hearing screening. She did pass a check before we left the NICU, but it was important to check again. After two visits, she passed! They were able to get a wide range of frequencies tested. We will follow-up again in 6 months for good measure, but all looks good right now. 

Ella received her 4th Synagis shot. The tears really flowed this time. We have one left for this season. Although it hurts my heart to see her in pain, I am thankful for the injection that can protect her respiratory system.

What we have been up to: 

Ella is officially a mobile baby! So often in the hospital we would whisper to her how we would carry her as long as she needed to be carried. As we watched Ella pop up on her knees and crawl across the floor towards us our hearts filled with joy. We stared in awe. She continues to amaze us. We have plugged up all of the outlets and started to work on baby proofing. We have moved her crib mattress to the next lowest setting. 

She has started to enjoy solids a bit more. Although I have been quite persistent, she doesn't yet share my love for avocados. Carrots are currently her favorite puree. She devours her oatmeal each morning. She gums everything she comes in contact with, we are sure teeth are around the corner, but no official sightings yet. 

Ella is exploring her vocal capabilities. She says, "ma-ma-ma" and makes various other noises to let us know she is present. Thanks to an amazing friend, Ella has been introduced to a new batch of toys. She loves exploring them all. 

Together we celebrated our first Galentine's Day. Don't worry, I didn't share any wine with her. :) We celebrated the evening with a baby-safe paint session. She loved squishing the paint down and chewing on the ziploc baggy. I loved watching her explore something new. Her Pops has already contacted her to commission another one of her paintings. 

As I placed this year's Valentine's cards from Ross with my card collection I took a moment to re-read his card from last year. I found myself smiling and letting out a giggle as I read his words:

"This past year was full of trials and hard times. I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else. This year will undoubtedly hold many more challenges. I'm looking forward to the journey though. Here is to another year of growth and support."

His words were written so tenderly after our year of job changes, surgeries, blood clots, injections, and finally becoming pregnant. Isn't life funny sometimes? Just when you think you have endured what you would consider tough times, life continues to roll out new surprises. 

In one month, we will have a one-year-old. Yes, Ella is almost one! Before I became a mom, I always found the phrases such as, "in the blink of an eye," or "time flies," so cliche. Now, I find much validity in all statements concerning the time-flying concept. As I look through pictures in preparation for her first birthday, I stare in disbelief. Has it really been almost a year? How could it be? It does seem like just yesterday that she was entering our lives. In fact, one year ago we had just announced to our families that our baby was going to be a girl. A month later she joined us!

My precious baby is turning one. It's happening. And we can wait to see what our baby girl does next!

In celebration of babies world-wide we we will walking in the Tulsa March of Dimes, April 22nd, at ORU's campus. Please consider donating or joining us! 

https://www.marchforbabies.org/AGrue

In addition, as a celebration of Ella turning one, we are collecting items to donate to the St. Francis NICU. I plan to donate the items on April 1st. 

--swaddle blankets

--scrabook paper (used to create door signs on rooms)

--board books in the following titles: Goodnight Moon, On the Night You Were Born, Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You, The Little Engine That Could, On the Day You Were Born, Guess How Much I love You, and similar titles.  

I will be happy to pick up items from you. :)

Ella is Ten Months Old

Ella weighs: 14lbs 3oz

Ella measures: 25.3 inches

Milestones this month:
-getting up on her toes and knees to propel forward
-touching her toes while sitting
-looking for objects then they drop

Ella loves: 
-laughing deliriously as she avoids bedtime (mom and dad allow it due to her cuteness)
-reaching for mommy's plate at dinner
-viewing the world from all different angles, up high in airplane is her favorite
-exploring textures: carpet, dad's beard, velcro, any clothing mom is wearing
-looking outside
-babbling to the "other baby" in the mirror
-smiling at mommy and daddy with lips tightly sealed as they try to feed her veggies

Health and Doctors: 
Ella received her nine-months immunizations and her third Synagis shot. We visited the cardiologist. The doctor told us that her ASD has completely closed and that the pulmonary stenosis seems to be growing as she grows. This is good news because it means that there is currently no need for any kind of procedure. She will continue to monitor. We go back again in 4-6 months. 

What we have been up to: 

Ella's curiosity and self-awareness are quickly increasing. Each new day brings a new discovery. The belly scooting from last month has evolved into a modified crawl. She starts with a plank position followed by a brief moment or two on all fours and then a finale with a huge movement forward. By repeating this pattern, she can cover quite a bit of territory in a short amount of time. She has discovered that there is much to see beyond the perimeter of her play blanket. As her hands hit the wood floor beyond the carpet, she pauses to briefly look towards me. With an ear-to-ear grin stretching across her face it is if she is saying, "Look at me, Mom." 

Crib sleeping is happening. Enough said about that. Mommies and daddies out there... you know... 

The introduction to solids has continued.  Veggies didn't seem to please her, so we reluctantly moved on. At the moment, her preferred solid of choice is bananas. Once we have introduced a few more she prefers, the combinations will start. Each night at dinner she reaches for whatever is on my plate. Last night, she went as far as grabbing the place-mat and pulling the entire thing towards herself. She loves to reach two hands towards my cup and firmly grasps on as she brings it to her mouth for a drink. 

Ella has moved up clothing sizes! She is now in six months clothes. I had to do my first official reorganization of her dresser drawers. When I held up her preemie and newborn outfits as I packed them away, I stared in amazement. I bought her first pack of size two diapers this month. I smiled as I put her in them because they fit her the same way her pre-preemie diapers fit her, all the way up to her belly button with each tab stretching clear across to the other side. 

We visited some of our NICU nurses this month. I love to watch Ella as she studies them in amazement. As they speak to her, she smiles. I like to think it is her way of saying thank you.  From day one, they encouraged her.  They loved her on the days she was the naughtiest, gently reminding her of her strength. They nudged her towards a world outside of the NICU. I can see it in her eyes. She recognizes them. She is aware of the connection. One day she will call them by name and recount everything she can remember from what her mommy and daddy have told her about her nurses and their role in her journey. 

In Ella's NICU room, I placed a paper on the fridge in her room and surrounded it with photos of our family. It read, "Love defies expectations." It is true. Throughout Ella's journey, love has defied all expectations. Love from her family, her nurses, her doctors, and those she has never met has carried her and continues to carry her forwards. 

Welcome 2017

In 2016, Ella, arrived 16 weeks early. My complications and her birth were completely unexpected. I had been to the doctor the week before with a send-off of, "everything looks okay, see you in a few weeks."  Yet there I was, four days later, admitted to the hospital and told I would have our baby girl by the end of the week. I went in on Monday and had Ella on Friday. Most of those days are a blur, with a few vivid moments forever etched into my memory. One of the most vivid entails a NICU doctor visiting us in our tiny triangle-shaped ante-partum room in labor and delivery to inform us of all that would happen after Ella's arrival.  Close family members and two of my friends surrounded me. We listened to statistic after statistic for a 24-week gestational baby's birth be rattled off.  The odds seemed bleak. While receiving this news, my friend had her hand on my belly, inside Ella was kicking away. Aside from the low percentages, I do not recall the actual statistics. Unfortunately, for others in the room, they recall most of them. What I do recall is my tears and feeling like I had let everyone down. I remember thinking, this is my fault, what did I do wrong? There was one track repeating in my head: this wasn't supposed to happen this way. Friday morning came and I was wheeled off to my c-section. I cried the whole way. I didn't even know what a c-section entailed, let alone birth in general.

Ella arrived on Friday, March 25, at 1:29 pm. Our tiny 1lb .6oz baby announced her arrival with the tiniest cry. Her entrance, announced by her cry, was the first sign of her feisty potential. She wasn't supposed to be using her lungs yet, but guess what, she did. The next month was filled with my c-section recovery and hours in the NICU, trying to gain some sort of understanding. I spent most of that month in shock.  I spent many more dwelling on the past. You know what I am talking about, the what ifs and the should have beens. While slowly moving forward, I constantly tried to problem solve events of the past. I found myself in daily survival mode and constantly uneasy about future events. As the days went by, the feelings slowly faded, still present but more of a murmur than a scream. I began to embrace the journey rather than shy away from it.

2017 has snuck up on me, but I am thrilled that it is here. We are only a few months away from Ella's first birthday. She has reminded me that there is opportunity for growth and success, every minute of every day, even when the "odds" try to paint a different picture.  Ella has reminded me of the power of potential. Ella's journey is a celebration of life. It is an opportunity for me to be there for others and an opportunity to face daily interactions with a growth-mindset. Change is inevitable, but change need not paralyze our mindset for too long. Potential growth surrounds us. Welcome 2017. I am happy you are here.

Ella is Nine Months Old

Ella weighs: 13lbs 4oz

Ella measures: 25 inches

Milestones this month:
-moves from one spot to another by scooting on her belly! 

-tried her first solid (oatmeal cereal)
-stomps her feet when held in standing position

-cries sometimes if strangers hold her

Ella loves: 
-her orange flower link
-Ellie the Taggie elephant

-anything with tags

-napping on mommy as to avoid being placed elsewhere
-splashing her feet in the bath

-spending time with Grandma and Grandpa

-when mommy and daddy are both home giving her all of the attention

-keeping an eye on everyone and everything happening around her 

Health and Doctors: Ella received her second Synagis shot. Round two was not any easier to watch. Knowing that she is experiencing pain is so tough. We saw Dr. Groves this week. Ella's eyes are showing a little nearsightedness, but this is expected. Dr. Groves will continue to monitor her and keep an eye (haha) on the hundreds of laser scars in her eyes from her ROP surgery. He said no head to head contact sports for her, but I am okay with that. We will see the pulmonologist and cardiologist next month. 

What we have been up to: 

Each day with Ella is full of surprises. The latest surprise was watching her crawl (belly scoot) across her blanket towards some toys a couple of feet away. She propelled herself forward with her legs and then got her arms out from under her to start the process all over again. Over and over again in the NICU we were told all about how feisty she was. When we were told that I sort of shrugged it off, mainly because I thought it was something they told everyone, thinking it was their way of giving us some hope for the one pound baby we had in front of us. Now I see what they were talking about. If Ella wants something she will work to make it happen. Her tenacity is amazing.

There have been a lot of firsts around here. We took our first road trip as a family across state lines to see Aunt Jessa and Brad in Arkansas. Ella received her first Christmas present. She went cross-eyed with excitement as she kicked her feet against the torn paper. The trip was a success! Thankfully Ella enjoys car rides. Ella and I napped through her first bedlam game. She saw snow fall for the first time and watched her daddy build our first fire of the year in the fireplace. She was mesmerized watching the bright flames rise. She spent her first night in her big girl crib. She was like a hamster in a plastic ball rolling all over the place. I'm still not sure how much sleep she actually got that night. Needless to say, crib sleeping has not occurred since, but it is on the agenda for our first Christmas break together. We tried to fit Ella into her stocking, but surprise she is just too big! Ella has experienced a few rounds of oatmeal cereal. She smiles while being fed. Veggies are in her future. Ella had her first night being put to bed my someone other than mommy. I'm not sure who it was harder on, myself or Ella. Although her bedtime routine takes quite a bit of time, by the end of it I am perfectly content to sit and hold my precious girl. In those moments of stillness the to do list fades away and I find myself completely present. Ella's first Christmas was filled with love. She enjoyed opening presents, mostly by stomping on them. At the end of the day she filmed her first GoPro video. Life from the eyes of a baby! She loved it. 

Aside from my husband, there is not a gift in a world that could bring me more joy than our precious baby girl. 

Ella is Eight Months Old

Ella weighs: 12lbs 10.5oz

Ella measures: 24.6inches 

Milestones this month:
-rolling over!
-giggling 
-discovering her feet
-using her hands to reach for things (bottle especially)
-gets excited when she sees familiar faces

Ella loves: 
-her fingers
-her oball and oball rattle
-looking in mirrors
-being outside 

-stroller rides
-watching any cooking happening in the kitchen
-taking naps on Mommy
-playtime and making faces with Daddy

Health and Doctors:

Ella received her flu shots and her first round of her Synagis shot. Since Ella was born so premature she automatically qualified to receive the Synagis shot which provides her with extra antibodies to protect her from RSV. She will get a shot each month of RSV season, a total of 5 shots in all. Now that we have been out of the NICU for a while, seeing my sweet baby get poked with needles is a little harder to endure. The nurse informed me that out of all the shots she receives, the Synagis shot actually burns and causes longer discomfort. Watching Ella's bright blue eyes fill up with tears followed by the saddest cry ever makes my heart hurt a little. We will see the eye doctor right before Christmas and will see the other specialists after the New Year. At Ella's 8-month appointment we got the go ahead to try and start solids.

What we have been up to:
This month was filled up with firsts for Ella. She accomplished a lot including: reaching for toys during tummy time, rolling over, scooting backwards using her legs, maintaining posture during supported sitting, and splashing her feet in the bath. She recognizes Ross, myself, and my parents. We believe her teeth have started to push up below the surface because she is drooling and chewing on everything. She has started to giggle more and more everyday. The giggling is fabulous because it instantly wipes out any memory I have of her fussiness and fits from the night before. She wants to be in the action all of the time, but still gets overstimulated from a full day of interaction. We have had to unswaddled her arms at night since she is rolling over. She wakes herself up often.

Ella celebrated her first Halloween as the cutest ghost ever. She received her first non-medical piece of mail, a Halloween card from her great-grandma.
Ella endured her first round of fall family pictures. She was less than thrilled. She even fell asleep at one point. They were the first pictures of the three of us since we brought her home in July. Ella had a couple of other outings this month. We went to get her first custom Christmas bow at Kathleen's. We took her to Lowe's where she fell asleep and we took advantage and went for a quick lunch at Whole Foods. We had lunch with one of our favorite nurses and met my teammates for happy hour. Just a few last hurrahs before we cozy up in our home for the next few months. Our first Thanksgiving Day was wonderful and filled with a lot of family and love. We are thankful every year for our family and friends, but this year that thankful feeling was amplified. Each day we stare at our precious baby in amazement recalling the events that led up to where we are today. Family and friends were there through it all. It does take a village and we are thankful for those that are in ours.

Ella is Seven Months Old

Ella weighs: 11lbs 2.5oz

Ella measures: around 22.5 inches (she is always wiggling so I did an average)

Milestones this month:-coos
-tracking with eyes
-holding onto different objects and bringing them to her mouth
-gets excited when she sees familiar faces
-stronger head control

Ella loves: -making sounds and faces with mommy and daddy
-being outside -stroller rides
-the crinkling sound of diaper sacks
-Mommy snuggles
-nighttime chats with Daddy
-her girraffe paci "Gerald"
-staring at any ceiling fan-pulling on the links on her activity mat 

Health and Doctors:
Ella is officially monitor free! We saw all of her doctors this month and received good reports from them. The eye doctor said her eyes still look fantastic. There is a 90% chance that she will not need glasses. The heart doctor said the ASD (hole) has continued to shrink. The stenosis in her pulmonary valve has increased slightly, but the size is not concerning at the moment. The lung doctor said he does not need to see her again until February and he is pleased with her progress. We had our first visit to her

developmental doctor. She gave Ella an A++. She gave us some stretches to work on to help

with tight muscle tone. This is common for micro-preemies because they spend significantly less time curled up in the womb. 

I'm not sure where the time goes. Some days it seems to pass by quickly and other days it seems to pass by slowly. There are moments when I feel like Ella was born yesterday and moments when I feel like her arrival into our world was ages ago. But no matter how quickly or slowly the time passes, one thing is certain, we are head over heels for our baby girl. At the beginning of this journey with Ella I was not able to say that. Sure I was happy she had arrived and was making progress in the NICU, but I was still dealing with the shock of all that had happened. I did not feel like her mom when she first arrived. I mean, she was mine, the hospital bracelet confirmed it, but the feelings of joy that I had anticipated feeling for so long were momentarily on a detour.

I spent a lot of time in the beginning mourning all of the "should have been" moments. Looking back, I am not sure I would have been able to process things differently. When you experience physical and mental trauma you put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. A good friend shared a Bob Marley quote with me that captures it best, "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice." It's true. You do not know they measures of your own strength until you experience something that takes you one step further. And by the time you stop to look back on your experience to offer it some thought, it has already become part of you and part of your life story. 

When we first brought Ella home we did everything according to what we had done in the NICU. We still felt tied to the schedules and routines we had witnessed for those 98 days. We were home in our comfortable environment with our baby questioning how they ever let us leave. Could we give her what she needed? Some days were uncomfortable.  Yet there we were, one foot in front of the other, moving forward day by day. 

And now here we are almost 4 months past Ella's NICU graduation day. I may not have felt very mom-ish at the start, but I can now say I am in total mom mode. We have found our own rhythm as parents and Ella seems to like us enough. She smiles and makes faces all day. She snuggles when she wants to and certainly lets us know when she doesn't. She makes the cutest oohs and ahhs and lets out the not-so-cute cries all in the same day. She is ours and we are hers and we will all keep moving forward together.